Lesson One – No Woman is a Hopeless Romantic
I have been through a great deal of torment in life. But none is crueler than a stake to the heart. The story is simple enough. Boy meets girl. Boy and girl quickly become best friends. Boy and girl develop feelings for each other. Girl decides these feelings are from the devil and chooses to run from them. Boy and girl are now barely friends. Admittedly, that devil thing was a new one for me. I’ve heard anything from “my feelings just went away” to “I have a bad feeling about us”. The Satan let-down was unexpected.
Before you ask, I’m fine. The incident helped me realize some very important things. Like the first lesson. I have come across many women who say the same five words over and over again:
“I’m just a hopeless romantic.”
This is the biggest lie women tell. Worst of all, it’s not a lie to you, but to themselves. No Woman is a hopeless romantic. There is no such thing. There are romantics and there is everybody else. In a conversation with a good friend of mine, she revealed that women will almost always choose lust over love. They pick the guy who is nice to them and who they want to throw down on the couch and fuck. Then, they call it love. This changes for most women as the biological baby factory’s clock ticks closer to it’s final hours, but being a young guy such as myself leaves me far from those years.
At first I was skeptical of this idea, but I looked back and it actually does seem extremely accurate. I have always been a romantic. Hell, I’m a serial romantic. I’ve planned elaborate weekend trips, written love letters, and stolen symbolic idols representing our relationship. I even almost hired this awesome Smiths cover band I heard in Fort Worth for a private show as a Christmas present. Do you know where that sort of thing got me? Nowhere. It is a waste of time and always ends in disappointment. Gentlemen, if you are a romantic, I recommend purging it from your character database. Women do not choose the romantic.
I’ve waited my whole life to find what I see others have. You know, those relationships where you just know that those two people were built to be together. I’ve wanted it. Sometimes, I think I have it. Then, I’m wrong. Everyone says, “Don’t worry. She wasn’t the one. Just wait and you’ll see.” The truth is I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of disappointment and hurting. I’m tired of being a hopeful romantic. It’s time to lose that hope and change. That is a real hopeless romantic.
Lesson Two – The Depths of Insanity and the Beast Within
The realization from lesson one was not an easy one to come to. After this last girl, I felt wrong. I felt like what happened was a mistake and I felt this hole in my chest, as if a part of me had been stolen. Now folks, I’ve felt sad or depressed or hurt from a breakup or a letdown before, but this was new. It hurt, but it was sort of an intoxicating hurt. It was tethered to something wonderful. I wanted to feel better, but I didn’t want that feeling to go away. It was the only thing I had left.
That’s when I fell down the rabbit hole. I started questioning my sanity. Was I so delusional to think that what I had was love? Was I so narcissistic to think that it would be impossible for me to have feelings for someone who didn’t have them for me? Was I so depressed that I would drown myself in a bottle of whisky? Most of those answers are no.
As the hole got darker, my behavior became more erratic. My car suddenly became this powerful weapon. I feared it and what I could do with it. I began writing horror fiction to quell the beast within.
We all have a beast deep inside of us. For some of us, that beast is jealousy or anger. For others it is addiction. When we are weak or hurt, we let that beast out of the belly of the ship. It grabs the controls and takes command. While we are vulnerable and want an escape, we let that beast control us like a puppet master manipulating the strings of a marionette. Internal struggles wage war in our hearts throughout our entire lives. Only those pure of heart can possibly hope to be free of this, but that is a lesson for another time.
I learned that there is a way out of the hole. If you accept your insanity, your self-loathing will eventually tire itself out and you will be able to ascend. As for the beast, sometimes you just need to feed it something healthy. In my recent studies, I have discovered that programs like Narcotics Anonymous are actually just a healthy addiction. Food for the beast that doesn’t hurt anyone. Whatever hole your beast dwells in, shine a flashlight in it. What you see staring back might not be as frightening as you once thought.
Lesson Three – The Importance of Neckties and Why I Wear Them
Gentlemen,
There is a hidden power that you should know about. Almost a year ago, I discovered this wonderful gift to man. I’ll start with that story.
It was January. In Texas, this means the beginning of winter. I had this class with a girl the previous semester. We were attracted to each other and things finally lined up and we had a moment of passion and intrigue and awesomeness. Unfortunately, this was a short-lived, “fleeting moment” as she put it. It was over before it began and I didn’t quite got the closure I needed until much later. Perhaps this is true with the most recent girl in my life too. We may never know. Moving on.
Afterward, I pretty much had no idea what had happened and somewhat upset about it. I spent a few nights at the bar, downing drinks with friends. By chance one night, I decided to wear a necktie. I instantly felt better. I felt charming and intelligent. I felt like I could do anything. As stupid as that sounds, it is true. That night, I started talking to random girls and scored 3 phone numbers. Confidence. A tie makes you confident, both in looks and feeling. At work I wear one when my boss isn’t there because customers try to go over my head less. Whether they assume that I am the boss or just believe my words to mean more is irrelevant. The tie works.
There was a brief period of power after I that. I used the wizardry of the necktie to pick up girls and become more interesting. It worked wonders. But, I eventually fell back into my addiction for romanticism and dated a girl who almost got me killed, a story that I had to remove from my blog earlier this year. As I said, romanticism never ends well.
So where am I now? I cast the romantic way aside and embraced my insanity to defeat it. I am wearing ties and meeting tons of new people. Everyone else in my life is moving on- getting married, moving in together or just plain moving. Soon, I may be the one moving and starting a new adventure. Where I am is a transition. I’m still cooking. What I’ll be tomorrow morning is unknown- even where I’ll be. Let’s just hope it is exciting.
ink_fox.end
